When people are getting to know me, they will often ask me what sort of music I listen to. The answer is one that I expect them to find odd. I listen to musicals. A lot. I listen to other things as well, but the majority of the time, I find myself running soundtracks to my favorite musicals on repeat. I think there's something that I love about having a larger story associated with the music than you find with most other genres. I also find that the themes and ideas in the musicals I love to be more profound than the typical music found on the radio.
Lately, I've been listening more to a musical that I've loved for years: The Secret Garden. Many people are familiar with the book or movie versions of this story, but my favorite version is the musical. I really started listening to it as a teenager and fell in love with it's stunning music. I had read the book and loved the story as well. Just a few weeks ago, though, the profound message of this musical came to me for the first time, and with clarity that astounded me. Growth and healing. The entire musical is about growth and healing for everyone in the story. I can't believe it took me nearly ten years to see it! Perhaps it was a unique set of challenges and circumstances facing me that made this theme more obvious and poignant. Perhaps it's my experiences in recent years that I lacked in earlier phases of my life. Whatever the reason, I came to appreciate the intense humanity found in this musical in a whole new way.
One of the songs that exemplifies this theme best is sung by Mary, the protagonist, at the beginning of the second act. It's called "The Girl I Mean to Be." The lyrics are as follows:
I need a place where I can go,
Where I can whisper what I know,
Where I can whisper who I like
And where I go to see them.
I need a place where I can hide,
Where no one sees my life inside,
Where I can make my plans and write them down
So I can read them.
A place where I can bid my heart be still
And it will mind me.
A place where I can go when I am lost
And there I'll find me.
I need a place where I can spend the day,
Where no one says to go or stay,
Where I can take my pen and draw
The girl I mean to be.
When I listened to this song that time around, I was moved deeply. Here's Mary Lennox, a young girl who is looking for a way to become whom she wants to be. For the first time, I saw myself in that young girl. I saw my hopes, dreams, goals, faults, failings, and striving in a girl who is just looking for a place where she can go. I realized that I need a place where I can go. That's why I'm starting this blog; so I can have a place to express the thoughts and feelings of my heart. Hopefully, through this experience, I'll be able to become, at least in a small part, the girl I mean to be.
